So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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