batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
