I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
