she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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