Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
