so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My ATM looks so different sober.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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