I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
