What tipped you off? The sombrero?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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