Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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