i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
