guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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