yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
