Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm like, not good at living.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
