so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
