Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
