this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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