I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
