I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
