so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
don't judge my taste in strippers
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
