she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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