Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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