He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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