So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
