I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
