I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
