So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
