You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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