We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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