Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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