I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I party with great urgency now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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