i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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