i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
