You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
