I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Of course I have a pirate flag
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
