i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
