My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
