I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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