we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
