I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
