Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
