I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
