I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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