I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize