sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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