I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
