Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
