everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
