I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
