First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
