he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
