Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
