if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
