I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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