well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
