Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
