I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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