Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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