Kiss
Puke
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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