My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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