Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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