I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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