is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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