What a fucking waste of an outfit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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