life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i have herpe
just one?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
