They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
