jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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