i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
