This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
