so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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